Helvetisti järkeä

Ostin uutta kynsilakkaa ja hajuvettä. Kävin töissä ja ulkona syömässä. Näin ystäviä ja perhettä.

Silti ilmeet tuntuvat kasvoilla vieraille, epäsopiville, aamupäivän sarjafilmistä opetelluille.
Silti haluaisin naapurin alakuloisen koiran lailla istua ulko-oven edessä, kohottaa kuononi kohti postiluukkua ja ulvoa ikävääni. Kuullakseni edes oman ääneni.

Kertoisin että maailmassani on liikaa sinun leimojasi. Kertoisin että huomaan odottavani edelleen.

Ei kaiken tarvitse olla paremmin, kaikki voisi olla ihan huonostikin.
Kun vain olisit tässä.


You've been my golden best friend
Now with post-demise at hands
can't go to you for consolation
'cause we're off limits during this transition
This grief overwhelmes me
it burns in my stomach
and I can't stop bumping into things

I thought we'd be simple together
I thought we'd be happy together
Thought we'd be limitless together
Thought we'd be precious together
But I was sadly mistaken

You've been my soulmate and mentor
I remembered you the moment I met you
With you I knew God's face was handsome
with you I suffered an expansion
This loss is numbing me
it pierces my chest
and I can't stop dropping things

I thought we'd be sexy together
Thought we'd be evolving together
I thought we'd have children together
I thought we'd be family together
But I was sadly mistaken

If I had a bill for all the philosophies I've shared
If I had a penny for all the possibilities I've presented
If I had a dime for every hand thrown up in the air
My wealth would render this no less severe

I thought we'd be genius together
I thought we'd be healing together
I thought we'd be growing together
Thought we'd be adventurous together
But I was sadly mistaken
Thought we'd be exploring together
Thought we'd be inspired together
I thought we'd be flying together
Thought we'd be on fire together
But I was sadly mistaken

- Alanis Morissette: Simple Together